From Melissa:
Strange things happen when you enter a foreign world, a world where the language and the customs and the people are all different from what you know. I find myself constantly wanting to settle...searching for things that bring comfort. This is not a new feeling for me. I lived in San Diego for 6 years, and yet each day I found myself searching for something more...searching for that feeling of "home". It always seemed elusive to me. And now I am in a new country, but still searching for the same things. There are things that bring me a sense of comfort, that feeling of home. Some of those things are: the seasons of fall and winter (when it seems that holiday warmth and togetherness is all around), holiday decorations (I get ridiculously excited when I see cute autumn and Christmas decorations!), cool and crisp fall air, watching episodes of Friends (no matter how many times I have seen them! I just love the friendship and camraderie...they are so happy together!), playing games and having coffee and dessert with family and friends. As I write these things, I see a common theme. Togetherness. Community. That feeling of knowing and being known. Something that I feel I have been missing for the last couple of years.
I have let myself become isolated (blaming it on the fact that I am an introvert and I need that time). I have let the sadness and anxiety that I struggle with take over my heart. And all the time I have kept everyone I love at arm's length. But I have also found that maybe in those times that I am struggling and seeking comfort in a feeling of "home", I should be seeking comfort in God instead. A good friend said to me, "why is it that in those times of greatest need, we drift from the one thing we really need?" I don't know, but I am going to work on coming to God instead. He is the only real answer. He is the only one who can really comfort me.
So I know this isn't such a lighthearted post, but I felt that true authenticity and opening myself up has to start somewhere (so why not with everyone I know??) When you are seeking comfort, seeking home, trying to settle, maybe what your heart is really looking for is something different....something more divine.
Strange things happen when you enter a foreign world, a world where the language and the customs and the people are all different from what you know. I find myself constantly wanting to settle...searching for things that bring comfort. This is not a new feeling for me. I lived in San Diego for 6 years, and yet each day I found myself searching for something more...searching for that feeling of "home". It always seemed elusive to me. And now I am in a new country, but still searching for the same things. There are things that bring me a sense of comfort, that feeling of home. Some of those things are: the seasons of fall and winter (when it seems that holiday warmth and togetherness is all around), holiday decorations (I get ridiculously excited when I see cute autumn and Christmas decorations!), cool and crisp fall air, watching episodes of Friends (no matter how many times I have seen them! I just love the friendship and camraderie...they are so happy together!), playing games and having coffee and dessert with family and friends. As I write these things, I see a common theme. Togetherness. Community. That feeling of knowing and being known. Something that I feel I have been missing for the last couple of years.
I have let myself become isolated (blaming it on the fact that I am an introvert and I need that time). I have let the sadness and anxiety that I struggle with take over my heart. And all the time I have kept everyone I love at arm's length. But I have also found that maybe in those times that I am struggling and seeking comfort in a feeling of "home", I should be seeking comfort in God instead. A good friend said to me, "why is it that in those times of greatest need, we drift from the one thing we really need?" I don't know, but I am going to work on coming to God instead. He is the only real answer. He is the only one who can really comfort me.
So I know this isn't such a lighthearted post, but I felt that true authenticity and opening myself up has to start somewhere (so why not with everyone I know??) When you are seeking comfort, seeking home, trying to settle, maybe what your heart is really looking for is something different....something more divine.
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This is beautiful mel! Something I needed to hear too: coming to God first.
ReplyDeleteI love you tons and am praying for your comfort.
-MAGS
Yep...you hit girl! That's the beginning of life on the mission field! For EVERYONE! Your honesty brings back a WHOLE lotta memories for me...us... in South Africa! LOVE you for it! Oh...and thanks for the postcard, too! WONDERFUL!
ReplyDeleteThe beautiful thing about being at home with God is that you can learn to be at home anywhere...even in Budapest. May God warm your soul and make you so much at home with him and his people there that you and Brandon will even be able to help others find home as well.
ReplyDeleteSuch a profound post. Just look at it as a process of growth--and although oftentimes it isn't easy...you are being molded into the woman God wants for you to be. Very exciting :)
ReplyDeletePraying for you everyday little mel!
--melissa
Our God is pretty awesome...He isn't called The Good Shepherd, Comforter and Prince of Peace for nothing :-)
ReplyDeleteI am sure that I was not someone that you expected to respond to this...but I believe that I have been through a similar revelation in the past so I know how you are feeling...well at least partially. There is a hole in all of us...and something within us that seeks for something to fill that void. But while the world will foolishly tell you to fill it with temporary things of all shapes and sizes - there is only one who can eternally satisfy - and that is our amazing God.
The acknowledgements you made in your post is an encouragement and reminder to us all that God is needed everywhere and by everyone - even those who are already His children. We should never cease to seek after Him and I am the first to admit that it is much easier said then done sometimes. I believe that this journey that God is leading you on will be one of great reward - particularly for you and your relationship with your Heavenly Father. You are a wise woman, Mel, to seek after Him like you are.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
oh Mel...thank you so much for adding me to your blog list! What you just wrote so touched me! I appreciate your honesty and I am so blessed by reading your post today. Randy and I are praying for you and Brandon and I know God has such good things in store for you!
ReplyDeleteLove to hear about everything you are doing and going through...from you being nervous to coach V-ball and Brandon "feeling like a champion" cracks me up! You are probably a wonderful counselor to those kids...I just know it.
Take care.....MISSYOU...loveya....Cheryl
Thanks for sharing that Mel! I love you and definitely identify with what you are saying. It was good to hear someone else say it and to not feel so alone in this journey we call life. I miss you and wish that we could sit down right now to some coffee. I will be praying for you and Brandon. Miss you both!
ReplyDeletetake care,
Leah
Thank you for sharing with us Mel. It breaks my heart to hear that it hasn't been as easy as you thought it would be in settling over there. I know that through all this that God is just waiting to come near and bring you comfort from His word. I will pray for God to bring a special friend to come long side you that might also going through the same thing. I pray you and Brandon will draw closer together through this and I hope it brings you comfort in knowing we are praying for you. Thank you for sharing and I hope you will continue to tell us how you are feeling or how we can pray for you and Brandon.
ReplyDeleteIn love and prayers,
Greta